No More Pretending Read online

  “You’re needed in makeup.” Lauren nodded and looked at Harper regretfully before trailing after him.

  Now that the arrangement was in place, they settled into an easy routine with Chester. Lauren would drop him off in the mornings and pick him up as soon as she was finished working. During breaks she would drop in and take him for a while, but Harper didn’t mind how often he was around. Chester was easy to look after and he fit in neatly around her work, as she had thought he would.

  Harper liked seeing more of Lauren. Often she would stay for a while and they would talk about work and whatever was happening that day. Lauren seemed to be getting more comfortable around her, and was not quite as reticent. It fascinated Harper to see Lauren coming out of her shell, to hear her begin to tell sly jokes and give her opinions on things. Harper had a CD player in her office and Lauren knew and liked a lot of the songs that she played—so they would sit and talk about music, sparring happily about songs and genres. Lauren teased Harper about her affection for musical theater, telling her that she was nerdy because of her love for show tunes. They each liked punk music and Harper was impressed by Lauren’s knowledge of the bands Harper was into. They agreed that Patti Smith was a genius and that more people should listen to The Modern Lovers.

  They soon discovered that they both liked to read, and they started trading books back and forth. Harper tried to introduce Lauren to some of her favorite Southern writers but found that Lauren was already familiar with most of them. They discovered a mutual love of Carson McCullers. Lauren promised to have an autobiography she owned sent down from home so that Harper could borrow it. Neither of them tried to shift the conversation to more intimate matters, but Harper still felt that she was getting to know Lauren.

  One Friday afternoon there was a knocking on Harper’s door, and Lauren poked her head in to the office.

  “Hey,” Lauren said, waving at her. Harper stopped typing, noticing how un-self-consciously Lauren stepped inside. “Where’s Chester?”

  “Hey you. He’s under the desk. Pretty sure he’s asleep.” Harper smiled at the comfortable sensation of fur brushing against her ankles and a heavy little body on her feet.

  “No problem. If you could just kick him until he wakes up that would be great,” Lauren deadpanned.

  “I’m really going to have to report you to animal rescue one of these days soon.” Harper gently picked Chester up and felt him wake up against her hands. Harper’s heart rate began to accelerate as Lauren leaned toward her to take him. She watched Lauren walk toward the door with the dog in her arms, her eyes dropping to see the way she moved in her jeans.

  “Hey, um…” Lauren was standing in the doorway, clutching Chester. “Seeing as it looks like we’re going to get an early finish, a few of us are going to get a drink tonight. Would you like to come?”

  “Sure.” For the past two weeks, it had been on the tip of her tongue to ask Lauren out for a coffee or a drink, but she hadn’t summoned up the courage yet. It wasn’t like her to be so slow about making an invitation. With Lauren, it felt important to be the one who was receiving it. “Where are you going?”

  “The Tavern, at six o’clock. I’m going to do a few things at home, like dropping this one off, and then I’ll be there.”

  “Sounds great. I’ll see you there,” Harper said.

  “Great.” Lauren took Chester’s paws between her fingers and used it to wave good-bye. Harper grinned and waved back.

  When Harper entered the bar, a number of people she recognized were already sitting around a table. Harper gave a wave, feeling like she was in the caféteria on her first day of school. With relief she saw there was an empty seat next to Lauren, who beckoned her over. The makeup artist she’d already met, Martha, greeted Harper warmly when she sat down.

  Lauren was wearing a simple black top and dark blue jeans. It was how Harper liked to see her best, looking comfortable and at ease in her skin. Lauren had told her that she hated getting dressed up for events in designer clothes, that it made her feel like a glorified coat hanger.

  Harper couldn’t remember the last time she had gone out to a bar. It might have been years. She and her friends from the dinerwould get together now and then for a barbecue or one of their kids’ birthday parties, but they didn’t go out on the town. When she was younger and home on trips from college she went to The Tavern regularly, because everyone went there and there would always be someone to hang out with. It had a jukebox and notoriously sticky floors, and more different types of liquor than one would imagine in such a small-town place.

  Lauren was drinking beer, so Harper bought them a pitcher to share. She almost never drank these days so the alcohol hit her fast, spreading a feeling of warmth and goodwill through her. Harper looked around at the faces at the table, taking in the strange reality that she found herself in the middle of. There were actors and a director and members of the crew, people she could never have imagined meeting. Martha was regaling her with tales of diva stars that she had worked with over the years, making Harper laugh.

  Still, Harper’s attention was focused on Lauren, who she could see in her peripheral vision. Now and then she felt Lauren glancing over at her and Martha. She wondered hopefully if Lauren might be looking for a chance to speak to her as well.

  When Martha got up to go and get a drink, Harper turned to Lauren with a question on her lips. Lauren had turned to her at the same moment, and they smiled at one another. A ripple of excitement ran through Harper.

  “I just realized I’ve never actually asked you where you’re staying in town,” she said “Are you at the Regent?”

  As far as she knew, most of the cast and crew were staying there. It was the only nice hotel around, a hundred-year-old building that had been lovingly renovated.

  “No, I’ve got a rental down on Walker Street,” said Lauren. “I like to get a homey place when I can. Makes me feel more settled, and it’s much better for Chester too. There’s a little yard for him to run around in.”

  “Some nice places on Walker. Is Josh staying there too?” Harper asked. Lauren never mentioned Josh when they talked. It made her wonder if the tabloid stories about trouble between them might be true. A surge of irrational jealousy coursed through her when she thought about Lauren with Josh, a feeling that she would be mortified about if anyone else ever noticed it. However, if she and Lauren were going to be friendly with one another, she had to ask the kind of questions that a friend would ask.

  Lauren frowned, her eyes narrowing in confusion. “With Josh? Why would he live with me?”

  “Aren’t you two…?” Harper said. She was sorry that she had raised the issue. She shook her head, wishing she could take it back. Was it common knowledge that they had broken up? She watched a range of expressions quickly pass over Lauren’s face, and she had no idea what they meant. “I’m sorry, I just thought that…”

  Lauren put a hand on her shoulder for a moment. “It’s okay. But we’re not together.” The way she said it was kind but firm, and it left no room for further questions.

  Harper apologized again. It was not the first time that her curiosity had gotten her into trouble. She had a tendency to ask questions that people didn’t like. Sometimes she envied people like Lauren for how reserved they were.

  “So, what about you?” Lauren asked, looking into her drink when she spoke. “Do you have a girlfriend?”

  “Not at the moment, no. Not exactly a huge dating pool for me in this town,” Harper looked around at the other bar patrons and raised her eyebrows. Aside from the people in their party, they were surrounded by either guys over the age of fifty, or people who looked like they had barely reached legal drinking age. They looked at one another solemnly and then Lauren laughed. Harper realized that she had developed a habit of trying to get that reaction. Harper loved making Lauren loosen up, loved to know that Lauren was happy, and she especially loved knowing that she was the cause of it.

  Lauren bought them another pitcher. Harper watche
d her fingers when she wiped condensation from the side of her glass, then followed them as they fiddled with a napkin on the table.

  “So where do you live usually?” Harper asked her. “In LA, like Sal?”

  “No way. New York. I have an apartment in the East Village.”

  “Really?” Harper asked, memories flooding back to her. “I can’t believe we haven’t talked about this before, we would have found out that I’m a bit of a New Yorker myself. I lived there for a few years.”

  They talked about the city and everything they loved and hated about it. They had hung out at some of the same places, had neighborhoods and streets they knew in common.

  “I used to go to this crappy bar called Manny’s all the time,” said Harper. “They knew me so well. I practically lived there. They did coffee and late night breakfasts and things too, so I’d go there in the middle of the night.”

  Lauren’s face lit up as soon as she said the name. She leaned forward eagerly. “I know that place! I’m convinced they do the best pizza in the whole city, and trust me I’ve gone everywhere.”

  “They do! Do you know Nina?”

  “Do I? I’m pretty sure she’s the coolest person I’ve ever met. Did you know she’s the one who picks out all the music they play there?”

  “Yep. I used to ask her to make me CDs, and she’d do it, told me I needed the education. I still have them actually. Man, I’d love to go back there one day.”

  The rest of their party was starting to slowly peel away, coming over one by one to say goodnight. Harper knew she should make a move to go home, but she didn’t want to stop spending time with Lauren. Tomorrow’s hangover felt so far away, and there was a magical feeling about tonight that she wanted to hold on to. She loved the closeness they were sharing, the way that any awkwardness that had existed between them had vanished. It wasn’t just the alcohol, because the beer had only given them an excuse to talk more.

  After a few more minutes, Harper became aware that it was closing time. She turned around and saw chairs being placed onto tables, weary-looking staff looking pleased to be wrapping up for the night.

  “If you’re on Walker Street you’re on my way home. I’ll walk you back. I’ll walk you to Walker Street,” Harper rambled. Lauren happily agreed.

  It was balmy outside, the sort of night Harper loved. The streets were eerily quiet, but she had always felt safe in her town, especially now that she wasn’t on her own. To her surprise, Lauren linked an arm through hers as they walked. They each fell silent. Harper could feel warm, soft skin against her as they brushed up against one another.

  “I’m cold,” Lauren said. It was impossible to be cold in this weather but Harper took her at her word, running a hand over Lauren’s forearm to warm her. She felt goose flesh under her fingers and wondered if maybe Lauren really was freezing, or at least scared of the empty streets. Harper liked protecting Lauren, making her feel safe and warm.

  When they reached Lauren’s cottage, they stopped at the front. Lauren extricated her arm, coughing as though to cover discomfort when she slid it out from Harper’s light grasp. Harper looked at the house hulking in the dark, its face illuminated by the porch light.

  “This place is beautiful,” Harper said. Her gaze fell on Lauren, who stared back at her. Though she knew that the connection she was making with Lauren was platonic, she had the same sensation she might have after a successful first date. Right now felt like the moment when she was supposed to walk Lauren up to that light and kiss her beneath it. Lauren’s lips looked like they would be soft. She longed to taste them. Harper wondered what kind of kisser Lauren would be. Would she let Harper push her up against the door like she wanted to? Would she be passionate or would she hold back?

  The thought was ridiculous. It had been too long since Harper had kissed a woman, and she must be more intoxicated than she had realized.

  “Thanks for walking me home. Are you sure it’s safe for you to go on by yourself?”

  Harper nodded. “It’ll only take me a little while and the way’s well lit. Thanks for inviting me along tonight. I had fun.”

  “Me too.” Lauren was playing with the keys in her hand and had made no move to leave Harper’s side. “Are you doing much tomorrow?”

  “You mean aside from sleeping in? Not really, no plans,” Harper said. If only Lauren knew how boring her life was. Saturdays were usually spent doing chores around the house and reading.

  “Would you like to come over to dinner? As a thank-you for everything you’ve been doing for Chester? I’d like to show you around the place properly too.” Lauren was doing that cute nervous thing where she shifted from foot to foot.

  “You’ve already thanked me plenty, Lauren.”

  Lauren looked disappointed. “Okay, well if you’re busy…”

  Harper shook her head. “No, I’d love to come around, I just don’t want you to think you have to have me.”

  Lauren smiled at her again, looking endearingly shy and pleased with herself. “That’s settled then. Come around at seven? You know where I live,” she said, pointing with a thumb behind her.

  “I’ll be here,” Harper agreed and watched as Lauren opened the door and disappeared inside. After a beat Harper finally walked on, feeling keenly aware of the empty space beside her.

  Chapter Eight

  When Lauren woke up the next morning, she felt tingles of anticipation mixed in with fear. It had not been part of the plan to invite Harper over for dinner. It wasn’t that she regretted it, at least not now that Harper had actually said yes, but she wished that she had more time to prepare. She also hoped she wasn’t coming across as overly eager for wanting to spend time with Harper two nights in a row.

  The memory of Harper’s face came back to her, gorgeous in the semidarkness. Lauren had wanted to kiss her so badly that in that instant she hadn’t cared about anything else. She had forgotten all of the reasons why she shouldn’t. When Harper touched her arm, she felt desire that was disproportionate to the gesture. It was the type of longing that made the thought of spending two days away from Harper impossible to manage. All she wanted was to do something to extend her good fortune, because she couldn’t believe how well the night had gone. Their conversations had always been enjoyable but superficial, and last night they had started to really get to know one another.

  Lauren began preparations for the meal and cleaned the cottage from top to bottom. It helped to ease her hangover to drive out of town to a farmer’ market and then spend the afternoon drinking coffee and chopping vegetables. Normally if she were having a dinner party, it would be a big production with a lot of people buzzing around her house. It was nice to do this all by herself.

  As seven o’clock approached, Lauren’s restlessness increased. She couldn’t sit still, and when she tried to her leg jogged up and down. The doorbell rang at last and Lauren buzzed with happiness at the sight of Harper, standing there shaking the water from her umbrella. She was stunning.

  “It’s raining cats and dogs out here!” Harper said as she stepped through the door. Shyness made Lauren pause for a moment before she could move forward to help Harper with the light coat she was wearing to protect her from the rain. When Lauren took the coat, she noticed the racing of her own heart.

  “I’m sorry, I hope I don’t get water all over your house,” Harper said, looking down at the damp bottoms of her jeans.

  “Don’t worry, it’s fine. Should I give you the tour?” Lauren asked.

  Harper nodded and ran a hand through her wet hair. As they looked around the cottage, she exclaimed over how nice everything was. Chester followed the two of them as they walked from room to room.

  “This place is really special,” Harper said.

  “Isn’t it? I wish I could have it picked up and dropped off in New York. It makes me so happy to be here.”

  “I can see why. What is that delicious smell?” Harper asked as they made their way to the kitchen.

  “Roast lamb. I hope you
like garlic?”

  “I love it.”

  They took a seat at the dining table and Lauren served out the meal. Lauren watched apprehensively while Harper bit into the meat. Harper closed her eyes as she chewed and lightly slapped her hand on the table. “Holy shit. You can cook! Now that I know this I’ll be expecting you to cook for me more often.”

  “I’ll do it gladly.”

  “Who taught you?”

  “Nobody. Trial and error mainly. I mangled a lot of food before I got the hang of it. You wouldn’t want to get near any of my early attempts.”

  “Practice makes perfect then, because this is delicious. I like the rosemary.”

  “It came out of the garden. Can I get you some wine?” Lauren went to the rack that lined the dining room wall. “The landlady said I could open something from the collection, she’s been super generous.” Lauren chose a bottle of red that she knew would match well and poured them each a glass.

  “What is this magic dream house? You know how to enjoy yourself. There’s nothing better than good food and good wine. I mean it, we should do this more often. If you don’t mind me inviting myself around, that is.”

  Lauren held up her glass. “Let’s seal that with a toast. And when we’re done, shall we retire to the living room? I made a blueberry pie if you want some.”

  “That would be perfect.”

  They curled up before the fireplace in the ancient armchairs, and Lauren brought the pie and ice cream in from the kitchen. Because it was unseasonably cool, the heat breaking with a summer storm, she had lit a fire. Lauren felt lazy and content, like she could sit here all night listening to the crackling of the fire and the sound of the rain outside.

  Harper looked just as content as she ate her pie. Lauren bit her lip while she watched Harper’s mouth. Her eyes were drawn to Harper’s tongue as it darted out to lick away stray crumbs from the corner of her mouth. Harper had a way of showing how much pleasure she took in eating, her full lips closing around each bite as though she couldn’t get enough of the flavors. Lauren was warm at having elicited that reaction.