Running Deep Read online

  She approached Angie with the steaming coffee mug. When Angie took it from her, Hannah thought she saw a brightly colored watch flashing under her white top, but she pulled the sleeve down before she could get a good view of it.

  “Of course, I remember her. Nice girl. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry or anything.”

  “It’s fine. Do you want to sit down?”

  The cream-colored sofa under the window was Hannah’s favorite piece of furniture in the apartment. The previous owners had it custom made to fit the curved shape of the wall, and they let Debbie keep it when she took over the lease.

  Leaving space between them, Hannah curled her hands around her mug and blew on the top. Angie stared out the window, head tilted away, but Hannah could still see her eyes. She had forgotten how they changed in the light; they were as blue-green as the ocean now.

  When she finally turned back, her gaze drifted over Hannah, who crossed her arms. “You’re just the same, you know.”

  “Is that so?”

  “I mean it as a compliment. You look great. And you seem…I don’t know how to put it. You knew yourself and who you were when we were teenagers much better than I did, and you still seem like that.”

  “Really,” Hannah said flatly.

  Angie looked out of the window again. “Okay. I guess I just wanted to say that I didn’t know you were planning a return until after I’d agreed to join the coaching team. I’d heard rumors that you were training, but I didn’t know for sure.”

  “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, but thank you. You know, we were just teenagers. There’s no need for us to make a big deal out of anything.”

  “Right, of course. What made you want to come back, anyway? I mean, I always hoped that you would. I thought it was such a shame that you retired so young when you had so much to offer. You could have gone to another Games back then, maybe even made it to three in a row. Or four because you started so young. It never seemed fair to me. You achieved a lot, more than most people could ever hope for, but still.”

  Hannah sat cross-legged, making a fist and resting her chin on it. “I don’t have a simple answer to that.”

  “I’m not in a rush. I’d like to hear it,” Angie said, her voice soft. “In case you didn’t hear, I retired after ’96 in Atlanta, and it kind of sucked. I don’t get too many chances to talk to people who understand what it was like, or what it was like to give it up. That’s why I’ve missed our letters and everything. I bet you don’t get a chance to talk to people about it too much either.”

  “That’s true. But I mean, there’s no one thing that made me give it up. My coach had a lot to do with it but that wasn’t everything. You know what I could never wrap my head around, though?”

  “What’s that?” Angie said.

  “That I was making more money than my parents just for swimming up and down in a pool. Like, does it ever seem crazy to you that we had so much thrown at us, just for that?”

  Angie narrowed her eyes. “Hannah, are you kidding? We didn’t just swim up and down in a pool. We worked our asses off. We were just kids, but we worked longer hours than a lot of adults do. All that pressure too!”

  “You know what I mean, though. Right? The more I think about it, the more I believe it’s a stupid way to earn a living. That’s why I can come back now, because it’s not my whole life.”

  “But you love it. You love being in the water. So what if it was your whole life? What’s wrong with that?”

  Hannah laughed. “Well, yeah. You’re right, I came back because I do love it. I think I just needed to grow into it. It was all too much, everything about it. If I had my way, there would be an age restriction on when you can start swimming professionally.”

  “Is that why you ended up being a teacher and swim coach? You wanted to make sure other kids didn’t have to go through the same stuff as we did?”

  “I suppose that had something to do with it, yeah,” Hannah said. There was no need to ask how Angie knew about her job. No doubt she’d seen it in the media.

  “Well, I guess I learned something from it all too. I’ve made it one of my priorities to look after the wellbeing of the younger kids on the team. Like Rachel, she’s only sixteen. I’ll make sure I keep an eye on her.”

  “Good. Rachel is so young,” Hannah said. She rested her mug on the windowsill then followed the line of Angie’s sight to the street below. A couple strode along the sidewalk arm-in-arm, two short-haired women with their heads bowed close together.

  Angie slowly put her mug down next to Hannah’s. “I should let you rest. I’m sure you’re tired after the last few days.”

  “Not so tired. It’s not like I can sleep in the middle of the day, like you. I always wondered how you could drop off like that.”

  Angie stared back at her, nodding slowly. “Just lucky, I guess. Listen, would you mind if I emailed you again? To keep in touch, I mean?”

  “Sure, you can email me if you want.”

  She walked Angie to the door, opening it for her. They approached one another at the same time, Angie’s arms encircling her.

  The fragrance of Angie’s hair was overwhelming. Hannah closed her eyes, breathing in before they each pulled away. How could it be that the past was flooding back to her so quickly?

  “I’ll see you,” Angie said, a small smile on her lips as the door closed behind her.

  Chapter Four

  1987 – Melbourne

  “Hannah? Are you with us?”

  Hannah slid her elbow to cover her spiral notebook. Mr. Cochran was in front of the blackboard with chalk between his fingers, pointing it at her. He liked calling on her when he could see that she wasn’t listening, gaining a look of sly satisfaction when he caught her out.

  “Yes, Mr. Cochran.”

  He faced the blackboard, thick black hair curling around his shirt collar. “Sorry if it’s boring for you, being in class now that you’re a world champion.”

  Her classmates giggled and she crossed her legs the other way, looking back down at her notebook. There were block letters scrawled across the page. She filled in black lines along the edges to give the letters a shadow, then wrapped a cartoon banner around it. Mr. Cochran droned on about the central nervous system, then clapped his hands together once.

  “All right class, get into pairs, please, and I want you to do the exercise on page fifteen.”

  “What does that mean? B-O-H-J-F? I don’t get it,” Marie said, tilting Hannah’s notebook toward her. When she leaned over, she pushed back her black corkscrew curls. Marie wanted straight hair like hers, and she always told her she’d be more than happy to swap.

  Hannah turned the page, smoothing her palm over the next page. She’d pressed down hard enough to leave deep indents on the paper. “Nothing, just doodling. Should we do the question?”

  “Nah. Mr. Cochran’s being a real dickhead today,” Marie said, taking a tube of eyeliner from her backpack and unscrewing the lid. She’d started wearing makeup as soon as they got into high school.

  “It’s okay. It’s not like he’s the first teacher to treat me differently since I got back,” she said.

  “He’s just jealous because he’s a loser. Have you seen his wife? I’m afraid of what their kids are going to look like, especially when he looks like a primate. Me and Debbie are going over to her place after school. Do you want to come?” she asked, snapping her compact closed.

  “Got to get to training like I do every day, dummy. Thanks for inviting me, anyway.”

  The bell rang and Mr. Cochran looked directly at Hannah. “I hope you were all doing what I asked. I’m going to ask for your answers to that question next class.”

  She stuffed her notebook into her backpack, saying a quick goodbye to Marie. Her mom’s white station wagon idled on the street in front of the school entrance, and she ran over to it, sliding into the passenger seat. A moment after she’d leaned over to kiss her mother’s cheek, her two brothers jumped into the car. They wer
e lanky mirror images of one another, shouting goodbye to their friends out of the open window.

  “Can we stop at the video shop on the way? We want to get that movie about that guy that turns into a fly. Dave saw it and he said it’s awesome,” Mark said. He leaned forward so that his head was between the front seats, jet-black hair flopping over an eye.

  “We can stop after we’ve taken Hannah to her training,” their mother said, frowning in concentration as she changed lanes. There were dark smudges around her hairline. She cut her hair short and dyed it herself because she couldn’t stand the small talk at the salon. Mom liked doing everything differently from other people, and she asked them to call her by her first name, Viv. “And you can watch it after you’ve cleaned your room.”

  “Can’t we go there first and you take us home before you go? We could watch half the movie in the time it’ll take to do all that,” Ethan whined.

  “You can just wait, Ethan-or-Mark,” Hannah said. She’d never had trouble telling the twins apart but calling them by their shared school nickname got under their skin.

  “Bitch,” Mark said, his voice cracking. She bit her tongue because Viv had asked her not to mention it. The light hair growing above his top lip was off-limits too.

  “Mark! Don’t talk to your sister like that or we’re not stopping at the video shop at all. Hannah, you got a letter today. I think it’s from your American friend,” Viv said, eyes darting to the rearview mirror.

  “Did you bring it?” Hannah asked.

  “I left it on your desk. Ethan, I can see you! Don’t punch your brother.”

  In the pool, Hannah’s stroke was precise lap after lap. She wished Viv had brought the letter so she could read it on the ride over, but at least now there was something to look forward to. She gave herself over to memories of Angie and smiled into the water.

  That night at dinner after they’d raced one another in the finals, Angie presented her with a plate of chicken and vegetables. She laughed at the tiny broccoli floret on a napkin at the side of the tray and ate it first.

  Because Angie’s roommate had already left to stay in a motel with her family, they spent the night in Angie’s room. They talked until dawn, splayed out on the single bed, eating contraband chocolate given to Angie by a teammate. Angie’s gaze snagged on her when she thought something Hannah said was funny, which was way more often than anyone else seemed to think.

  “It’s so shitty that you live so far away. Do you think we could be pen pals?” Angie asked in the morning, yawning. “It’s so nice to have someone I can talk to about all this stuff for a change.”

  “Sure. If you want to.”

  “Of course, I want to! And can we hang out next time we have a competition too?”

  “Sure, I guess,” Hannah said, grinning when Angie punched her in the arm.

  When practice was over Hannah changed quickly, knowing that her stepdad Paul would be waiting for her outside. As soon as she got home, she ran toward her room.

  “Hannah! Make sure you take your gear out of your bag today. I don’t want to find another bag of stinky clothes in your room!” Viv called from the kitchen.

  Snatching up the envelope from her desk, she took a moment to linger over her name written in Angie’s hand. She ran a fingertip over the swirls and hearts drawn along the edges.

  As she tore open her prize, she moved onto the bed and settled against the pillows. Photos fell onto the mattress beside her. There were two pictures of Angie, surrounded by powder-blue sky and mountains. She looked so cool, wearing acid-washed jeans and a shirt covered in palm trees.

  Dear H,

  How are you? I am fine. I laughed so much at your last letter. Thanks for the photos. It’s so funny to me that your school uniform has that purple stripe across the front. It’s not like any uniforms I’ve seen here. We can wear whatever we want to school. You look cute in yours. You’ve probably seen them by now but the photos are from when we went to Yosemite last summer. It was the best day.

  I’m writing this to you on Sunday afternoon, no training today. So I’ve been hanging out with Trace, Joe and Rachel. We went to the movies and the mall. You know how you said about how sometimes you feel lonely even when you’re with your friends? I think I know what you mean. I had fun today, but I wished you were there too. I hope I don’t sound weird.

  Anyways I have some big news. Sorry I kept you in suspense until now, but Dad is coming to Melbourne on business, and they say that if I promise to keep up my training regime for a couple of weeks while I’m there, I can come with him. I told them I could probably go to the same pool as you and get like a program or something from coach to work on while I was there and we could motivate each other.

  What do you think? Let me know. He’s coming in July. Maybe write me back a letter and tell me what you think and if you have time with school and training and everything. Then I’ll call you to work out the details if the answer is yes. But like I said we could train together. Maybe we can have a bet again. More broccoli for you!

  Lots of love, -A.

  Hannah squeezed the letter against her chest. Angie would be here for two full weeks, as part of her world. Angie would be here and that made the whole world burst into color.

  For the next two months, their letters were filled with a passionate discussion about the visit. Hannah wanted to think only about the fact that Angie was coming. Things had changed so much since the world championships, and her connection to Angie was one of the few constants in her life.

  Requests and invitations were pouring in. A cereal company wanted her to represent them. She was asked to give a speech at an event at the exhibition center, and the state tourism board wanted her for their new advertising campaign. The weirdest thing of all was when producers from Channel Eight asked if she was interested in a guest role on Reef’s Edge. It was one of the country’s biggest nightly soaps; Marie loved it. It took all of ten seconds for Hannah to shoot down that offer.

  “What about this one?” Viv said, pushing a notepad across the table. There were red splashes on the corner of the page from the pasta sauce she’d been making when she scribbled down the message.

  “Fishermen? I love them!” she said. A few of the kids at school had the unique wristwatches, each of them with a different design but the same chunky band and large face. She tapped the paper with a finger. “I want to do this. Let’s book it.”

  “Are you sure?” Viv asked, screwing up her face. “This is for an ad. You haven’t been too keen on doing photo shoots and things like that.”

  “What if they give me a free watch, though?”

  “Hannah! You can’t do something just for a free watch. We can get you one for Christmas if you’re so desperate for a watch.”

  “I think it would be cool.”

  “If it’s what you really want…”

  Three weeks later Hannah stood before an array of Fishermen watches, bands in every style and color. The representative told her that she could select any two she would like to keep, smiling down indulgently at her. Viv clasped her hand while Hannah bit her lip, pointing hesitatingly to one and then another. The best watch’s band was aqua and decorated with mermaids, their flame-colored hair billowing behind them.

  The next day at school, she was sitting with Marie at lunch when Scott, the boy Marie was dating, came over. The watch caught his eye, and Scott pointed to it, snorting.

  “Those mermaids supposed to be you on that watch or something? Got a picture of yourself swimming around? The hair is the wrong color, but otherwise, she’s a dead ringer for you.”

  Hannah crossed her arms, pushing her wrist under her elbow to hide it from view.

  But the shame didn’t last for long, because when she got home after training, a letter from Angie waited. Her mom had propped the envelope against the vase in the center of the dining table.

  Dear Hannah,

  Is it just me or is this time going on forever and ever? But like, in a way I don’t want to come see
you because then it will be over. And I don’t know when I’ll get to see you again, which makes me totally sad.

  I’m trying to be more positive about it. We’ll still get to see each other at competitions, and it can be like that night in Madrid. We’ll just stay up late and smoosh as much as we can into the time we get to be in the same place. I have been thinking about all the things I want to say when I see you, and it makes me feel so nervous and happy at the same time.

  It was funny when you said you were worried I wouldn’t like you when I spent more time with you! I already feel like I know you so well just from that night and from our letters, too. You shouldn’t worry so much.

  Congratulations on your endorsement deal! I bet you look awesome in the pictures and I can’t wait to see them. Thanks for putting in the photo of your watch. It’s very cool. I know what you mean. I feel uncomfortable having my picture taken by strangers as well. As for me, I’ve been doing some interviews and stuff. I’ve been working with that swimwear company I was telling you about. It’s so annoying, but my parents are so happy about it you’d think I was working for NASA or something.

  P.S. Did you ever notice that your name is the same way spelled forward and backward?

  Love, -A.

  Chapter Five

  Hannah and Angie sat on the edge of the pool, swinging their legs back and forth in the water. In the shallow end, a teacher wrangled children into paying attention to their swimming lesson. Their happy screams and splashes echoed off the walls.

  “It’s so weird to come here and have it be so cold outside! Right in the middle of my summer,” Angie said, wiping water from her face. “And then it’s so warm in here.”

  “I know. It must be weird. Who won that one, anyway? I couldn’t tell, and it felt like maybe it was a tie.”

  Angie shrugged. “I’m not sure. I think we both did pretty good, don’t you?”

  “Absolutely.”

  All morning they’d been chasing each other up and down the pool and fooling around in between laps. They competed to see who could hold their breath for the longest, submerged and sitting on the bottom. Angie said it was a legitimate training technique because they were testing their lung capacity. It turned into an underwater screaming match, the two of them yelling swear words with air bubbling up from their mouths. When they sprang from the surface, they giggled, bobbing again and again.